Just For Me

A lot has happened since I last bothered to write anything.  I finished college, did my internship, and got hired on permanently at a great law office. I live 15 minutes outside my city, in a suburban area, and I work 15 mins further from the city than that, Everyone drives a truck, hunts, and listens to country music.  It’s sort of like being back home.  Somewhere I went today! It takes a little over three hours to drive there (I’m from truly, the middle of nowhere) so I don’t visit as often as I would like to be able to, but I went with my son today and had a short visit with my parents.  It’s funny how much it is like when I would be taken to visit my grandparents, even though I visited mine far more than my son does with his.  We talk about nothing and eat food and wander around the yard and talk about nothing some more until it is time to go.  I love it.  I love seeing my parents and knowing that they’re doing alright.  I wish I could do more for them, they really gave me everything they could for my entire life until I was 19.  They’re perfect.  They curse like sailors and keep junk in their yard and I love it all.  I wouldn’t want them to change even a little bit.  They’re probably the most easy-going and non-judgmental parents in the world.  They never have criticisms or complaints.  They always say what they mean and they always have found humor in everything they do.  I love them so much.

 

Another thing: 

My son has turned 9 over the summer vacation and it has me feeling pretty damn old.  I’m only 27, but it is sort of funny to have a kid that age, especially since he’s very wise for his age and is practically my mini-me.  He is so similar to me in so many ways that I can’t believe it sometimes.  He’s so much more well-behaved, though.  His mannerisms are a complete mirror of myself at this point, it’s quite entertaining for me.  We get along so well and I never have to be angry or disappointed in him.  I need to go to bed now, so that I can wake up early and spend as much time with him tomorrow as I can.  He’s perfect and I love him so much.

 

Sorry to anyone who followed me for my sarcastic, filthy sense of humor.  This post was Just For Me.

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Gleefully Overdosing on Heroin

Recently a cast member of Glee overdosed on heroin and died.  People acted like he was a police officer that got killed after saving a baby from a pedophile, maniac, bank-robber, instead of a 30-something who plays a teenager, who is a junkie, and who died from partying too hard while enjoying his millionaire, celebrity lifestyle a bit too much.  Anyone with any sense of perspective could agree that his death is not in the “tragedy” category.  However after making a small post on Facebook about it, a bunch of people I barely know decided to comment on it to shame me for saying that celebrities addicted to heroin deserve their imminent deaths.  What is so controversial about this?  I think that after the Martin/Zimmerman verdict, the Arizona firefighters, and the generally unrest on the other side of the world, this actor’s wild Saturday night is not nearly as newsworthy.  But it was on TV for over a week.  It was on International news for over four days.  It’s obscene.  I’m going to update this post tomorrow when I’m less lazy with some of the better “dark-sense-of-humor-shaming” quotes from my wall.

I have never tried heroine, but if I did, I suspect it would be really, really, good.  People who do it never say that it is the worst feeling ever and try to avoid it a lot after trying it.  On these grounds I am willing to believe that, as a substance, heroine produces feelings of intense euphoria, the likes of which I will never, hopefully, know.  Actual life is actually pretty shitty a lot of the time (if you’re doing it right), and being given the euphoria of an intense narcotic cannot be good for human brains.  Anyone who tries heroine is trying to kill themselves, at least a little.  I bet Jesus did heroine… Nah.  But Lindsay Lohan for sure.  And Amanda Bynes… Maybe.

I have completed my training at the trailer-park-college, and I am now slaving at the trailer-park-law office of Dewey, Cheatem & Howe.  My rural town office setting is pretty entertaining for me, they listen to the country music station, they talk about hunting, and the phrase “as useless as tits on a bull” has been uttered.  Did I mention I work in an office with only female coworkers?  Well, I do.  In all honesty, it is the best job I have ever had, and I am only guaranteed to keep it for a month.  After which time they could just say “Thanks for the month of free typing, filing, and general awesomeness”.  The location is perfect for me. I live fifteen minutes from the city, and the office is fifteen minutes further away than me, and it is proudly “Country” out that way.  Everyone has a truck, and an ATV, and a ski-doo for the winter.  If I have to, I will wear cowboy boots and a hat to get hired on full-time.  It’s an ideal small office with few people to answer to, lots of work, and opportunities to learn a lot about law.  More updates on this to come.

Real Ugly Time

 

I know the ideas are what is important, and I love Real Time, but can’t they find anyone moderately attractive besides SE Cupp to be on the show? I don’t need Megan Fox, but surely we could bring up the sexy-factor a few notches. This looks like Night of the Living Dead Pundits. Oh, and Galifianakis is the most overrated comedian ever, I have no idea why anyone would want his opinion on anything other than how to look homeless.

Bored Police vs. Victim-less Crime

From “My Town” Regional Police Force’s FB page:
DRUG SEIZURE
As a result of a drug investigation, on April 3rd, 2013 members of the [“MTRPF”] arrested a 39 year-old male in “My Town” for having approximately 800g of marijuana and a small amount of hash oil for the purposes of trafficking. Also seized was approximately $4700 in cash. This individual will appear in court on May 23rd, 2013.

 

I have so many problems with this, but what comes to mind is how senseless it is for marijuana to be illegal in the first place.  Police should be trying to stop and deter violence against children and women, pedophilia, trafficking hard drugs, littering, unpaid fines…  Stopping ANYTHING that causes any harm to anyone would certainly be a better use of the police’s time and money.  I’d feel much better if I thought they were keeping crack, meth, or heroine off my streets.  I wonder how much taxpayers will spend on arresting, prosecuting, incarcerating, and “rehabilitating” the individual they caught.  Seems like a waste to me.  Canada should have already legalized it and be taxing the hell out of it by now.  How much longer will we keep throwing money away and letting a black market (filled with worse crime than getting high) run this billion-dollar show, and keep all their profits tax-free?

 

Abortion Distortion

Yesterday I took it upon myself to comment on a facebook page dedicated to the end of abortion that had tricked me into visiting by promoting a cause called “downs syndrome day” with yesterday’s date. I’m not active but I am an intelligent well-rounded person, and I think people should support awareness of Downs Syndrome, at the very least. It is something that people have and that causes many health and social problems for those people and their families. Then I was on some gross, not-specifically christian page that had a horrendous name: We can End Abortion. What a disturbing and irresponsible idea! I can’t imagine for the life of me why anyone would want this to be a reality. There are lots of reasons why women get abortions and what a lot of people forget is that it is a totally necessary procedure that has to be done sometimes. So, I couldn’t help myself:

Disgusting. Only the smallest and most myopic minds could bring people to join this group. Abortions are an entirely necessary medical procedure. I’m sure there are no reputable doctors, physicians or nurses that support this disturbing cause. Rape, incest, being unable or unwilling to have the child, and severe birth defects are all perfectly legitimate reasons for abortion… Wanting to end abortion means wanting more unwanted and unloved children in this world… It’s disgusting. I really wish more people were willing to think about issues like this before taking the easiest and most comforting position. PS- Gods aren’t real. Even if they were, their unintelligent laws don’t apply here in the real world.

Of course, this unearthed the most incredibly ignorant, illogical and irrational “arguments” that I have ever read. Throughout the conversation in the comments, I was accused of “loving to kill babies”, of holding opinions I have and would never express, and of saying things that I, and no one, I don’t think, had said ever. It was like arguing with a right-wing idiot about anything: No facts, misinformation, and a willful disregard for a human being’s right to determine what they do with their own body Here are some of the highlights from the We Can End Abortion facebook scholars:

These are 100% real and although a couple have been edited by cutting off the very beginning or very ending for readability, I promise I have not characterized or misrepresented anyone’s statements. These people really think this way.

• “fighting for women’s rights makes us hate mongers, but whatever”… No comments used the word hate until this one. There’s a lot of these kinds of statements, I just thought this one was hilarious because these anti-choice morons think they’re helping women’s rights.
  
• “They are not an entirely necessary medical procedure. In fact, in about 95% of abortion cases, it is used as a form of birth control. There are also many cases where women are forever barren or even face death after a botched abortion. Just google “doctors against abortion” or “physicians” or “nurses” or whatever. I’m not going to waste my time posting links. If you actually feel this way about this cause, you are not here to get educated, but to remain ignorant, so you wouldn’t click on the links, anyway.” This was after I stated the obvious fact that NO reputable medical professional would ever advocate for the elimination of an entirely necessary medical procedure. I can also google “reputable creation-scientists”, it doesn’t mean they’re reputable. It just means they exist.
•  “person doesn’t NEED to have sex. People CHOOSE to have sex. Sex is intended to reproduce. Don’t have sex. There are other way to “get off”. Having sex is not the only answer for “those feelings”… This world is so corrupt and twisted, it’s sickening really.” Also completely unedited. Comments like this really let you see into the empty minds of the anti-choice people.
• “Termination of pregnancy that could potentially KILL the mother, is justified… Aborting a baby because your to lazy to carry it and give it up is not justified.” This isn’t an excerpt. This is the full unedited comment. Aren’t you sick and tired of all of these lazy women having their rape-babies aborted?! Me too.
• “Sure keep telling yourself that abortion is great, while many women are dying, getting injured and regretting their abortions at this moment.” As if anyone anywhere thinks abortion is “great”. 
• “Except that the Hippocratic Oath condemns abortion and most physicians too. Some people mediocrity in here speaks by itself.” This is the whole original post, the only one from this user.
•  “[name omitted]- no because I mean we should kill all the unwanted and unloved people of this world instead.” This one is a little harder to get, but she’s paraphrasing me, or least what her Jesus-rattled mind interpreted it as anyway. 

I can’t bring myself to click “unfollow”, because they just keep adding dumber and crazier things to it. If anything particularly funny comes up in the next few hours, I will add it here. Now I’m going to retire to the RoyMinor cave to find my next epic battle between good and dumbassery.

Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, – RoyMinor!

woes of a business college student

Today I wrote an exam at my “No-Frills” community college. Not the good one, the other one– In the mall between the liquor store and the bong shop ( amazingly accurate and not a comedic exaggeration)– The one with no books in it. Yes, that one. Anyway, this is a facebook status update I couldn’t bring myself to post because it was too whiny, and made me sound like a giant nerd. I’m a closet-nerd, but my close friends and family know. And you know. Here it is:

Exam today. My problems with it:
1.College employees who are creating tests are unaware of, or do not care about, the definitions of the following terms: skills, tips, steps, items, elements, procedures, suggestions, examples or characteristics. These terms are used interchangeably and inconsistently throughout the tests, the textbook is very clear on which is which- the test maker could have easily checked this- I did.
2. It includes multiple choice questions that are supposed to have only one answer, and that will only accept one correct answer, but that contain two (and sometimes three) other, completely appropriate responses that are also found in the textbook pertaining to exactly the situation found on the test.
3. Some of the answers to be studied were just incorrect (Not just out-dated, as there were a couple of those, too). It’s wrong in the textbook and in the tests, and is used consistently, so you must remember the incorrect textbook answer rather than the real world, actual, answer to the question you’re reading. Very frustrating stuff. Especially when you’re the kind of person who is capable of using Google to confirm your suspicions of idiocy and lazy test-making.
I still did awesome on the exam, I’m sure, but these kinds of errors and oversights are not indicative of attention to detail or high academic standards, IMO.

So that was it. Kind of lengthy for a status update, so I’m glad I could put it here and not waste the time I spent typing it out.

Facebook Weed Rebuttal

I posted this innocuous public service announcement on my wall and was met with disbelief. Enjoy:

Uninformed Comment:
This is bull!
My Reply:
HOW is this bull?? Saying it has medicinal qualities is debatable, I’ll admit, but this is about comparative harm. The only way marijuana could kill you is if you get into a car after using it (driving with any impairment is its own problem) or do something equally unsafe. The active ingredient (THC, that gets one high) is just not strong enough, on its own, to kill a person whether it is smoked or eaten. Deaths from alcohol poisoning happen everywhere on Earth, every day, and everyone knows what smoking cigarettes does to the body and how often people die from that. The current government sanctioned drugs (Alcohol and Nicotine) are FAR more harmful to society and to the individuals using them than Marijuana is. Nicotine and Alcohol are also scientifically proven to be harder habits to quit, physically and psychologically. IMO the prohibition of marijuana is a long outdated, and racist, law. Everyone (except the for-profit prison system) would benefit from government legalization, regulation, and taxation, which would severely reduce the black-market profits supporting crime, abuse and terrorism. I really don’t think it’s bull. I think it’s my generation’s responsibility to end this prohibition, to rake back money from criminals, and to free people to do as they choose without fear of being jailed for a victim-less crime. I’m just looking for some common sense in our laws, either tobacco and alcohol should be every bit as illegal as marijuana, or they should legalize marijuana. This was a belated and wordy reply to a three word comment, sorry, I’m very passionate about this topic, clearly.

Hillbilly vs. February

It has been awhile… again… and so I feel the need to type things to no one that are about nothing! I have a lot going on right now and haven’t been paying any attention to my blog lately. It isn’t that I didn’t have the time, or was travelling, or was up to anything newsworthy in any way. I still had plenty of time to facebook about cats and things they might say in broken English, watch everything on Netflix– except for anything worth watching, and work on my shrines to Oprah and Mel Gibson; I just didn’t feel like doing the blog thing, really.

What have I been up to? I have been at a very “no-frills” kind of college for about six months now and I guess it’s going alright. Because most of the other students are recovering meth addicts and various other adult, trailer-dwellers, my marks are sky-high! I just finished a month-long module on proof-reading, editing, and business communications that was the first and only module so far that wasn’t completely -I’M SORRY- retarded. The instructors seem to be whoever showed up the week they were hiring (what I must imagine to be) minimum-wage-earning instructors. The student lounge is far less appealing than our jail’s cafeteria’s, which I’ve seen in the paper and was jealous of. Location? Strip Mall. Neighboring Venues? Liquor Store, Bong Shop, Dollar Store. To keep things on a positive note, the instructor we had over the past month was AMAZING. Truly, a diamond in the rough. She was like an elderly Michelle Pfeiffer in Dangerous Minds, but with no black people.

SPEAKING OF BLACK PEOPLE. February was black history month for some reason and I take this as a direct threat to racism everywhere! How is a poor, working, hillbilly in West Virginia supposed to make sure his kids are as racist as he is when they’ve got black people in your face for 28 straight days?! It is enough to make some want to load their shotguns– that  they bought with the freedom of the second amendment, with no background checks, and $200,  from the tailgate of a shifty yokel’s pickup– and take their country back!

AND THEN IT GETS WORSE

City bottle thief stealing from children’s charity

Redemption centre owner says culprit has stolen $300 from the Children’s Wish Foundation

The fucker made ten trips from the donation bin to the back of his large, nice truck, on just one of his visits to what the asshole must have thought was the free-bottle-bin. WTF is this world coming to? It is very clearly marked as a donation bin for Children’s Wish Foundation. I demand a live-burial in shards of beer bottle glass! Too much? News just keeps getting worse; I hope another Muslim mullah will call a rape-victim a temptress or a whore again soon, so I can go back to being angry instead of depressed. 

http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/new-brunswick/story/2013/01/10/nb-bottle-thief-childrens-wish-738.html

Something Serious, Just This Once

One of my city’s elected Councillors has been arrested in connection with the local Child Exploitation Unit and they took a laptop and other items from his home. Very limited info is being released at this time obviously, but we know he’s the head of a reputable, local, non-profit organization: Inner-City Youth Ministries. JUDGEMENT: PEDOPHILE.

Okay, okay– I’m sure it’s not as open and shut as this and there are basically no facts available to the public, but at this time in history, after so many cases, any full-grown man who says he wants to help young inner-city kids by talking about Jesus is probably not someone who should be in charge of any kids. Just sayin’. If he’s white, this should also be a strike against him. All the suspects look the same. Is that self-racism against white men? I don’t think so, there’s loving Jesus and then there’s working for organizations that love Jesus; and an inordinately large number of those organizations molest kids. He has been director of Inner City Youth Ministries (A name which screams “child-rape-happens-here”) for 13 years. Why in the name of Christ, Mary and the Saints would anybody send their fucking kid to one of these places any more?! I just don’t get it. I know they think it won’t happen to them, but nobody thinks it will happen to them! UGH! It’s the same story with the same suspect every time and all we can do is feel sorry for the victims. Very depressing news days lately. 

http://www.news919.com/2013/01/10/veteran-saint-john-councillor-detained-by-rcmp/