Strategies for Success

When your goals meet up with your dreams and double date with motivation and determination it usually ends in an orgy. -Roy Minor

I don’t understand beer. It tastes quite awful and doesn’t get you very drunk. The only time I drink a beer is if I think there’s a chance someone’s slipped a Roofie in it. I don’t go to bars anymore, I find it helps to have a few drunk girls over, once a week or so, to get the experience. They ignore me, cry and fight with each other and then throw up. To close the night I usually try to pick fights with other guys who may have larger genitals. Guys tend to be pretty unpredictable when they’re drunk, they might be total idiots who jump off your balcony or the guy who becomes a slurring lush. They might be violent, crazy assholes– it’s always hard to tell. With women, you can usually tell about two drinks in what kinda girl she is, and there are only three kinds of drunk girl. Slutty, scary and sad. Remember to always keep your eye out at the club, gentleman, as these different girls tend to group together and if the one you have your eye on isn’t acting sad or slutty, prepare for some emotional scarring and brutal physical harm.

News from today:

  • Kim Il Sung kidnaps Lady Gaga after Seoul concert- Entertainment
  • Mel Gibson still thought of as a waste of human life by most people- Poll
  • French fries not necessarily very french – Investigation
  • Councilman moves for higher taxes, no leads on body location yet- Local Politics/ Police Beat
  • Pussy Cleavage Too “Fashion Forward”?- Style
  • North Korean Dictator captures beloved American transvestite- World Politics
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One thought on “Strategies for Success

  1. The Hook says:

    Interesting use of a title! I honesty thought you were outlining strategies for success in the business world; I’m so glad I was wrong. This was hilarious!

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