Amish quilting orgies are becoming a serious problem for today’s Amish communities. “It all started when Mary-Beth heard a Robert Palmer song.” Reports Elda Sinclair of Amishtown, Ontario. “The Devil’s rock and roll got into her soul… the orgies and dildos came next.” Amish communities across North America are being warned of the pandemic of Amish Girls Gone Wild that is sweeping into quiet villages and leaving them devastated and sticky.
5 Other Topics I Could Have (and probably should have) Discussed Above:
- Darth Vader Robs banks in Ohio – Surprisingly this one is real, but would otherwise fit in on here…
- Amish Fashion- I could have put a more wholesome spin on this, avoided Amish Group Sex, and just focused on their hilarious attire.
- Robert Palmer- Who is he? What’s he all about? Has he cured his addiction to love in the afterlife?
- Michelle Obama’s appearance on the Daily Show – Best. First. Lady. Ever. Hands down. No contest.
- Ancient Aliens – I don’t have time now, but I hold definitive proof that extraterrestrials constructed the Pyramids, Stonehenge and the Empire State Building. I also have reason to believe (and so should you) that these same space-men were directly responsible for 9/11 AND the star-studded telethon that followed the attack… Don’t worry “inside-job-ers”, I’m pretty sure the Bushes are avatars for the aliens.
Some things in life just sync up, for instance I was trying to think of a way to work group sex into a blog post about Amish people and – KABOOM- there we go. I know this is a pretty poor effort for tonight’s post, but what can ya do?
*QUESTION* What exactly is wrong with me?