Legalize Gay Cannibalism Now!

This post has been interrupted by a list.

10 Worst Boyfriends Ever:

  1. Luka Rocco Magnotta (one of many, many, many articles about him provided below)- He might be young, fit and easy on the eyes, but the whole ‘killing, eating and chopping guys up’ stuff is a deal breaker.
  2. Bobby Brown. If Whitney had been smoking crack with Eddie Murphy for the last twenty years she’d still be here today- you know, sort of here- like the last ten or fifteen years of her life. Here like Paula Abdul is here.
  3. Rihanna’s ex… you know, auto-tune-man… like Bobby Brown, but younger and less talented… Chris Brown.
  4. John Travolta. Not because he’s a scientologist (although that’s what got him in the top fifty…) and not because of all the gay sex (that actually pushed him down to no. sixty-four), it’s the weight. What happened, John? Do you eat because alien spirits haunt your belly?
  5. Alan Legere.
  6. Gilbert Gottfried. That voice. Imagine fucking someone who has the voice of the bird from Aladdin.
  7. Sean Penn. He acts like he’s not a woman beater. He’s an academy award winning actor, people, wise up.
  8. Charlie Sheen although not on par with the likes of Magnotta or Penn, his amount of wealth and fame really demands a certain level of etiquette when dealing with hoards of prostitutes and pornstars. Locking them in a closet is not cool, Sheen– Unless that’s what you paid for and she knew up front, then it’s go time, man.
  9. O.J. Simpson– Never did dishes, never picked up his socks, never cleaned the lint trap.
  10. Any Mormon. The ones who don’t have multiple other wives or demean you regularly as a human being are just boring as fuck. Seriously, these people think Joe Biden is too ethnic.

Shocking news storiess lately have been making wild claims of strange events being related to the impending and inevitable zombie apocalypse… like that gentleman in Florida… who was just having an off day and accidentally got incredibly stoned, got naked and ate someone. It happens. I’m sure that usually he’s a stand-up guy… And the guy who found his son was eating someone’s body in his basement (I’m sure he was relieved it was nothing serious like drugs or pornography)… NOW we Canadians are getting into it. Berlin authorities captured the “Canadian Cannibal” as he was referred to on front pages in the region. European and Canadian governments need to stop this and should be more open minded about letting homosexual cannibals live the way they want.

Could all these zombie stories just be gearing up audiences for season three of the Walking Dead? …Or maybe the world really is coming to an end this time. There has been an awful lot of gays on TV and Pat Robertson warned that this could happen. Look at Haiti and how their unholy pact with the devil shook the fuck outta their country. Of course upon hearing this Sean Penn was furious…ly beating his wife at the time and stopped to be annoyed with this insensitivity toward the Haitians.

***Sean really took it hard with this one, and if it wasn’t for how awesome he was in Milk, I probably would’ve been worse***

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One thought on “Legalize Gay Cannibalism Now!

  1. Haha, Gilbert Gottfried. Probably my favourite actor of all time because everyone else hates him. I named my female Fallout: New Vegas character after him just to annoy my housemate. Good times.

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