In an effort to socialize more and to do something for my community, I joined my local Pride Committee as part of my whole “try new things” idea. It’s gone well so far. Saturday night I sold hot dogs and sausages outside the gay bar to raise money for pride week events. Drunk people are obnoxious to me when I’m sober (which is most of the time), but gay people are far more behaviorally acceptable when intoxicated. There were no fights. No loud, angry altercations after the music was off. No parking lot throw downs to determine which grown man is the most infantile and irresponsible. It was all very tame.
I showed up to do the BBQ at around 11 and nearly no one went to the bar before midnight, so for a long time the only thing we had to do was to watch an incredibly drunk, rough-looking man across the street continually fall backwards onto his ass, get up, fall again… for a while that went on, then he decided to scoot along the sidewalk to a grassy knoll where he could lay down. During this time I watched several different police cars circle the area and completely miss his waves and yells of gibberish. After he was comfortable in he fetal position the fuzz finally spotted him and not one, not two, but three squad cars arrived on the scene to take into custody a man who could easily have been seventy years old (and not a strong-looking seventy either). After that I mostly gawked at the patrons and mentally documented their exploits– consisting mostly of mental notes on how not to dress myself ever, and how not to greet a group of friends upon meeting them in public. For fear of offending the disgusting fags and ugly dykes, I’ll just say that gay bar etiquette (which is non-violent but disturbingly affectionate) may be the reason why God Hates Fags. Just Sayin’.
On the topic of fags… Our city has recently uncovered a ‘serious problem’ with homosexual prostitutes using the city parks at night to conduct their particular type of business. Why are they using parks? Shouldn’t they go somewhere gayer?–like church! I wish that the gays would start trading sex for money at and around churches, in particular, Catholic ones. It would be so worth it just to read the headline: “Gay Prostitutes Arrested at St. Mark’s Cathedral”. Why not have a care-free Catholic sex scandal once in a while without all the depressing child-rape?
Anyway, we ended up selling a Pride T-shirt and a bunch of hot dogs and sausages, so it was a pretty successful night. I also stopped in the park on the way home and met some very friendly guys who were pretty low on cash, I guess. Nice guys though.