80-minutes into a 90-minute debate Mitt Romney decided to finally (and awkwardly) show off his conservative, 50’s-nostalgia-style sensibilities, briefly, while answering a question about gun laws in reference to the Batman shootings he made clear his stance on two-parent households over single‑parent homes and reminded us all that children are far less likely to be impoverished with two parents—duh. The topic of the question was quickly abandoned by both parties twice and the issue wasn’t pushed hard by the moderator, who was weak and was talked over throughout the debate. It was disrespectful how neither candidate seemed interested in toning down their rhetoric or shortening their prepared talking-points to actually answer the questions American citizens were asking them—I would’ve asked what Romney’s thinking trying to take that Ryan clown to the white house.
Shortly after his quick bounce-back from his single-parents-tirade-debacle, Mitt decided he should call out Asian super-power and owner of the United States of America, China, for its currency manipulation and ability to manufacture and sell trinkets and iPhones better than anyone else. This is not the best thing to do; the Chinese have significant weight in American trade markets and it may not sit well with voters that he is so willing to create international tensions with another super-power. Although, many Americans certainly don’t believe there are any super-powers apart from themselves, Chuck Norris, and of course, her holiness, Oprah Winfrey.
5 Questions I Would LOVE to Ask the Candidates:
- Mitt: Why does someone so incredibly entitled want so badly to end entitlement programs for those who are not so entitled? Was it awful, growing up in that castle with servants?
- Barry: When are you going to start living up to racist American expectations by speaking in Ebonics, implementing single-payer socialized medicare and removing “under God” from the pledge of allegiance?
- Mitt: Exactly how much money is in your bank account, wallet, safe, and swimming pool full of coins?
- Barry: Hillary Clinton, Ruth Bader Ginsburg and Jan Brewer- Which would you Fuck, Marry, and Kill? (And you know the rules, you have to pick one person for each action.)
- Mitt: Do you actually have to fuck Ann Romeny? Gross. Follow up: Do you ever fantasize about Mrs. Obama? In a land-owning Mormon and naughty servant-girl kind of context? I knew it.