Tag Archives: Christianity

Something Serious, Just This Once

One of my city’s elected Councillors has been arrested in connection with the local Child Exploitation Unit and they took a laptop and other items from his home. Very limited info is being released at this time obviously, but we know he’s the head of a reputable, local, non-profit organization: Inner-City Youth Ministries. JUDGEMENT: PEDOPHILE.

Okay, okay– I’m sure it’s not as open and shut as this and there are basically no facts available to the public, but at this time in history, after so many cases, any full-grown man who says he wants to help young inner-city kids by talking about Jesus is probably not someone who should be in charge of any kids. Just sayin’. If he’s white, this should also be a strike against him. All the suspects look the same. Is that self-racism against white men? I don’t think so, there’s loving Jesus and then there’s working for organizations that love Jesus; and an inordinately large number of those organizations molest kids. He has been director of Inner City Youth Ministries (A name which screams “child-rape-happens-here”) for 13 years. Why in the name of Christ, Mary and the Saints would anybody send their fucking kid to one of these places any more?! I just don’t get it. I know they think it won’t happen to them, but nobody thinks it will happen to them! UGH! It’s the same story with the same suspect every time and all we can do is feel sorry for the victims. Very depressing news days lately. 




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Innocent & Virtuous Merchant Targeted by Local Oppressive Prudes

The owner of a local shop, “Intimate Desires” (The tamest lingerie-plus boutique you’ll ever enter) is currently under fire from Sussex, New Brunswick Town Council. The town council ordered her to cease conducting business and that she was in violation of an “adult entertainment” by-law. Keeping in mind the tiny town has no entertainment- adult or otherwise- available and the nearest cinema is at least a half hour away. The store contains no pornography of any kind and is intended as a couples or marital-aid boutique of sorts, selling suburban, super-safe-style versions of light bondage wear and accessories and some lube. Most items you can buy in her store can also be found in any big box store (it’s just typically spread throughout the store- lube in the pharmacy, bondage wear in sports and fitness– you know). The overwhelming majority of her products are lingerie, costumes and the like. WHY is the council of this town afflicted with such biblical prudishness? This is the year 2012 for goodness’ sake! If your 57-year-old mother can’t buy lube and a skin-tight cat suit in her hometown, where in the hell is she supposed to buy it?! Fifty Shades of Grey has created a seriously high demand for rough sex from women between the ages of 19 and 55 and they need props. Props and lube. Props and lube and costumes – and they should be able to get it!

Too much bible reading and too little sex is my professional opinion on the Sussex town council. The official word from council since this story being picked up by the media is: they are having two meetings in the next few days, this matter is not open for discussion, and if it were, it would occur behind closed doors. (! ?) To most Canadians I hope this generated a big “WTF moment”. I have no doubts that council will see major changes come the next election, I suspect that the people of Sussex are less than impressed knowing they may not be free to conduct legitimate business that the council members may not personally agree with.   I can only imagine what they’ll think when I open my first store in my new “Cock-Rings and Dildos” franchise. We also sell hats.

No list. Can’t be bothered.

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Selling My Meat on The Street

In an effort to socialize more and to do something for my community, I joined my local Pride Committee as part of my whole “try new things” idea. It’s gone well so far. Saturday night I sold hot dogs and sausages outside the gay bar to raise money for pride week events. Drunk people are obnoxious to me when I’m sober (which is most of the time), but gay people are far more behaviorally acceptable when intoxicated. There were no fights. No loud, angry altercations after the music was off. No parking lot throw downs to determine which grown man is the most infantile and irresponsible. It was all very tame.

I showed up to do the BBQ at around 11 and nearly no one went to the bar before midnight, so for a long time the only thing we had to do was to watch an incredibly drunk, rough-looking man across the street continually fall backwards onto his ass, get up, fall again… for a while that went on, then he decided to scoot along the sidewalk to a grassy knoll where he could lay down. During this time I watched several different police cars circle the area and completely miss his waves and yells of gibberish. After he was comfortable in he fetal position the fuzz finally spotted him and not one, not two, but three squad cars arrived on the scene to take into custody a man who could easily have been seventy years old (and not a strong-looking seventy either). After that I mostly gawked at the patrons and mentally documented their exploits– consisting mostly of mental notes on how not to dress myself ever, and how not to greet a group of friends upon meeting them in public. For fear of offending the disgusting fags and ugly dykes, I’ll just say that gay bar etiquette (which is non-violent but disturbingly affectionate) may be the reason why God Hates Fags. Just Sayin’.

On the topic of fags… Our city has recently uncovered a ‘serious problem’ with homosexual prostitutes using the city parks at night to conduct their particular type of business. Why are they using parks? Shouldn’t they go somewhere gayer?–like church! I wish that the gays would start trading sex for money at and around churches, in particular, Catholic ones. It would be so worth it just to read the headline: “Gay Prostitutes Arrested at St. Mark’s Cathedral”. Why not have a care-free Catholic sex scandal once in a while without all the depressing child-rape?

Anyway, we ended up selling a Pride T-shirt and a bunch of hot dogs and sausages, so it was a pretty successful night. I also stopped in the park on the way home and met some very friendly guys who were pretty low on cash, I guess. Nice guys though.

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Should one be lucky enough to make it past childbirth and the weeks following the traumatic eviction from the womb, one finds one’s self in a rather unpleasant situation. Although still coddled and tended to the not so newborn begins to realize that it cannot get whatever it wants each time it squawks. The child also learns that its interests have branched out from the usual boob, poop, sleep routine. Playthings rarely behave as you think they should and the most simple manual tasks require huge amounts of concentration and still rarely go as planned. For boys this period of time is also marked as an introduction to morning wood. Although children are unaware of how socially unacceptable their tiny erections are, they have them. I can’t remember this happening to me as a young boy, but its true. Why is this? It makes no sense. And they happen when you have to pee sometimes, too, which makes even less sense, since urinating with an erection is never easy and usually requires clean-up. Gross, yes, ladies- but we’ve ll done it- and the ones who say they haven’t, do it way more often than is even normal. But I digress.

Early disappointments, like all parts of life, are relative… Again, in third world countries early disappointments are typically much more severe and life altering: Such as the disappointment of not ever having food, water or medical care, and the disppointment of finding out there are other humans in the world that live like we do (with our internet, TV’s, and oh yeah – food). Other disappointments that face third world toddlers include being sold as if you were chattel, and having your genitals mutilated for various religious reasons. Now, I know that I’ve brought this up before, and that some of you conservative types might think that genital mutilation isn’t funny- and you’re right- but it is kind of funny to think that some white western people equate piercing babies’ ears at the mall (with sterile equipment) with child abuse … This, on the same planet where eight and nine year old girls have their vagina and clitoris completely destroyed by unsanitary kitchen-style blades usually in a field (This is not likely to be someone who could tell you anything about female anatomy or the human body at all, really). That being said, earrings on babies is weird and creepy: STOP IT. Oh, and it’s still not really funny-“haha”. More like funny/most-disturbing-thing-ever.

Three things I should  have discussed today over female circumcision:

  1. How toddlers’ heads are far too big for their bodies– very odd looking
  2. Potty Training – Do’s and Don’ts of Doo-doos
  3. Early childhood obesity. I once saw an incredibly obese toddler on Jerry Springer. His parents were white but his whole body and face were so fat that it made his eyes look all asian-y… Very odd to see, plus he was an eighty-eight pound toddler so it was not the first thing you notice or anything.

Find out more about how the Prophet Mohammed created Islam, a religion of peace and sawing off clits, at your local library. Ayaan Hirsi Ali’s Infidel — check it out!

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Ubiquitous Ignorance

Imagine what the world would be like if God (the Christian God, let’s say) were really real. So God is really real and he is watching each and every person at every minute of every day. He’s able to do ANYTHING, and as most would say is in control of all things at all times. Why would we have pedophiles? ESPECIALLY as clergymen?! Why would there be human trafficking? Why would any of the truly atrocious things that humans do to one another be tolerated by a God of any kind and be allowed to occur? The answer is not that God works in mysterious ways. If he were real he would be the worst, most sadistic, gruesome fuck that anyone ever thought of.

Why do people want this to be true? Why would anyone ever want to live in this world and believe that some lazy or useless torture-porn-loving sicko is up there watching it all go down and doing nothing? Seems like too many people are concerned with the wrong things. Worrying about homos marrying or Mexicans immigrating into their state.

How is it that so many young Christians have been so perfectly brain-washed that even after they figure out how to use the internet they remain believers? This baffles me. When I see youtube videos from young Christians they are so clearly simple minded people with nothing holding up their beliefs apart from having had them since they were born. It’s sad that so few people have the capacity to see that what they call their “religion” is an obviously man-made (and I do mean “man”-made, as no women were involved except as objects, rape victims and slaves) invention to keep masses of simple minded humans under control.

If the pope lived in a hut and had no worldly possessions I would be far more likely to believe a tiny bit of the Catholics’ bullshit, but since he chills in a City-sized Castle and has more bling than a rapper, I’m out.

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