Should one be lucky enough to make it past childbirth and the weeks following the traumatic eviction from the womb, one finds one’s self in a rather unpleasant situation. Although still coddled and tended to the not so newborn begins to realize that it cannot get whatever it wants each time it squawks. The child also learns that its interests have branched out from the usual boob, poop, sleep routine. Playthings rarely behave as you think they should and the most simple manual tasks require huge amounts of concentration and still rarely go as planned. For boys this period of time is also marked as an introduction to morning wood. Although children are unaware of how socially unacceptable their tiny erections are, they have them. I can’t remember this happening to me as a young boy, but its true. Why is this? It makes no sense. And they happen when you have to pee sometimes, too, which makes even less sense, since urinating with an erection is never easy and usually requires clean-up. Gross, yes, ladies- but we’ve ll done it- and the ones who say they haven’t, do it way more often than is even normal. But I digress.
Early disappointments, like all parts of life, are relative… Again, in third world countries early disappointments are typically much more severe and life altering: Such as the disappointment of not ever having food, water or medical care, and the disppointment of finding out there are other humans in the world that live like we do (with our internet, TV’s, and oh yeah – food). Other disappointments that face third world toddlers include being sold as if you were chattel, and having your genitals mutilated for various religious reasons. Now, I know that I’ve brought this up before, and that some of you conservative types might think that genital mutilation isn’t funny- and you’re right- but it is kind of funny to think that some white western people equate piercing babies’ ears at the mall (with sterile equipment) with child abuse … This, on the same planet where eight and nine year old girls have their vagina and clitoris completely destroyed by unsanitary kitchen-style blades usually in a field (This is not likely to be someone who could tell you anything about female anatomy or the human body at all, really). That being said, earrings on babies is weird and creepy: STOP IT. Oh, and it’s still not really funny-“haha”. More like funny/most-disturbing-thing-ever.
Three things I should have discussed today over female circumcision:
- How toddlers’ heads are far too big for their bodies– very odd looking
- Potty Training – Do’s and Don’ts of Doo-doos
- Early childhood obesity. I once saw an incredibly obese toddler on Jerry Springer. His parents were white but his whole body and face were so fat that it made his eyes look all asian-y… Very odd to see, plus he was an eighty-eight pound toddler so it was not the first thing you notice or anything.
Find out more about how the Prophet Mohammed created Islam, a religion of peace and sawing off clits, at your local library. Ayaan Hirsi Ali’s Infidel — check it out!