Tag Archives: Facebook

Gleefully Overdosing on Heroin

Recently a cast member of Glee overdosed on heroin and died.  People acted like he was a police officer that got killed after saving a baby from a pedophile, maniac, bank-robber, instead of a 30-something who plays a teenager, who is a junkie, and who died from partying too hard while enjoying his millionaire, celebrity lifestyle a bit too much.  Anyone with any sense of perspective could agree that his death is not in the “tragedy” category.  However after making a small post on Facebook about it, a bunch of people I barely know decided to comment on it to shame me for saying that celebrities addicted to heroin deserve their imminent deaths.  What is so controversial about this?  I think that after the Martin/Zimmerman verdict, the Arizona firefighters, and the generally unrest on the other side of the world, this actor’s wild Saturday night is not nearly as newsworthy.  But it was on TV for over a week.  It was on International news for over four days.  It’s obscene.  I’m going to update this post tomorrow when I’m less lazy with some of the better “dark-sense-of-humor-shaming” quotes from my wall.

I have never tried heroine, but if I did, I suspect it would be really, really, good.  People who do it never say that it is the worst feeling ever and try to avoid it a lot after trying it.  On these grounds I am willing to believe that, as a substance, heroine produces feelings of intense euphoria, the likes of which I will never, hopefully, know.  Actual life is actually pretty shitty a lot of the time (if you’re doing it right), and being given the euphoria of an intense narcotic cannot be good for human brains.  Anyone who tries heroine is trying to kill themselves, at least a little.  I bet Jesus did heroine… Nah.  But Lindsay Lohan for sure.  And Amanda Bynes… Maybe.

I have completed my training at the trailer-park-college, and I am now slaving at the trailer-park-law office of Dewey, Cheatem & Howe.  My rural town office setting is pretty entertaining for me, they listen to the country music station, they talk about hunting, and the phrase “as useless as tits on a bull” has been uttered.  Did I mention I work in an office with only female coworkers?  Well, I do.  In all honesty, it is the best job I have ever had, and I am only guaranteed to keep it for a month.  After which time they could just say “Thanks for the month of free typing, filing, and general awesomeness”.  The location is perfect for me. I live fifteen minutes from the city, and the office is fifteen minutes further away than me, and it is proudly “Country” out that way.  Everyone has a truck, and an ATV, and a ski-doo for the winter.  If I have to, I will wear cowboy boots and a hat to get hired on full-time.  It’s an ideal small office with few people to answer to, lots of work, and opportunities to learn a lot about law.  More updates on this to come.

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Abortion Distortion

Yesterday I took it upon myself to comment on a facebook page dedicated to the end of abortion that had tricked me into visiting by promoting a cause called “downs syndrome day” with yesterday’s date. I’m not active but I am an intelligent well-rounded person, and I think people should support awareness of Downs Syndrome, at the very least. It is something that people have and that causes many health and social problems for those people and their families. Then I was on some gross, not-specifically christian page that had a horrendous name: We can End Abortion. What a disturbing and irresponsible idea! I can’t imagine for the life of me why anyone would want this to be a reality. There are lots of reasons why women get abortions and what a lot of people forget is that it is a totally necessary procedure that has to be done sometimes. So, I couldn’t help myself:

Disgusting. Only the smallest and most myopic minds could bring people to join this group. Abortions are an entirely necessary medical procedure. I’m sure there are no reputable doctors, physicians or nurses that support this disturbing cause. Rape, incest, being unable or unwilling to have the child, and severe birth defects are all perfectly legitimate reasons for abortion… Wanting to end abortion means wanting more unwanted and unloved children in this world… It’s disgusting. I really wish more people were willing to think about issues like this before taking the easiest and most comforting position. PS- Gods aren’t real. Even if they were, their unintelligent laws don’t apply here in the real world.

Of course, this unearthed the most incredibly ignorant, illogical and irrational “arguments” that I have ever read. Throughout the conversation in the comments, I was accused of “loving to kill babies”, of holding opinions I have and would never express, and of saying things that I, and no one, I don’t think, had said ever. It was like arguing with a right-wing idiot about anything: No facts, misinformation, and a willful disregard for a human being’s right to determine what they do with their own body Here are some of the highlights from the We Can End Abortion facebook scholars:

These are 100% real and although a couple have been edited by cutting off the very beginning or very ending for readability, I promise I have not characterized or misrepresented anyone’s statements. These people really think this way.

  • “fighting for women’s rights makes us hate mongers, but whatever”… No comments used the word hate until this one. There’s a lot of these kinds of statements, I just thought this one was hilarious because these anti-choice morons think they’re helping women’s rights.
  • “They are not an entirely necessary medical procedure. In fact, in about 95% of abortion cases, it is used as a form of birth control. There are also many cases where women are forever barren or even face death after a botched abortion. Just google “doctors against abortion” or “physicians” or “nurses” or whatever. I’m not going to waste my time posting links. If you actually feel this way about this cause, you are not here to get educated, but to remain ignorant, so you wouldn’t click on the links, anyway.” This was after I stated the obvious fact that NO reputable medical professional would ever advocate for the elimination of an entirely necessary medical procedure. I can also google “reputable creation-scientists”, it doesn’t mean they’re reputable. It just means they exist.
  •  “person doesn’t NEED to have sex. People CHOOSE to have sex. Sex is intended to reproduce. Don’t have sex. There are other way to “get off”. Having sex is not the only answer for “those feelings”… This world is so corrupt and twisted, it’s sickening really.” Also completely unedited. Comments like this really let you see into the empty minds of the anti-choice people.
  • “Termination of pregnancy that could potentially KILL the mother, is justified… Aborting a baby because your to lazy to carry it and give it up is not justified.” This isn’t an excerpt. This is the full unedited comment. Aren’t you sick and tired of all of these lazy women having their rape-babies aborted?! Me too.
  • “Sure keep telling yourself that abortion is great, while many women are dying, getting injured and regretting their abortions at this moment.” As if anyone anywhere thinks abortion is “great”. 
  • “Except that the Hippocratic Oath condemns abortion and most physicians too. Some people mediocrity in here speaks by itself.” This is the whole original post, the only one from this user.
  •  “[name omitted]- no because I mean we should kill all the unwanted and unloved people of this world instead.” This one is a little harder to get, but she’s paraphrasing me, or least what her Jesus-rattled mind interpreted it as anyway. 

I can’t bring myself to click “unfollow”, because they just keep adding dumber and crazier things to it. If anything particularly funny comes up in the next few hours, I will add it here. Now I’m going to retire to the RoyMinor cave to find my next epic battle between good and dumbassery.

Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, – RoyMinor!

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Funny Cats

I thought this title would drum up some views. Actual topic of discussion is friendship. I know I piss on a lot of things and I seem pretty hateful BUT there is one thing that I really love. FRIENDS. Not those shitty people who liked your status on facebook, and not the people at your work who you’re friendly with… I mean real friends that you are going to be friends with forever no matter what and it doesn’t matter how often you get to see each other, or what you do when you’re together. I had a visit from my two very best friends today. We all live in different cities an hour and half away from one another, and haven’t been in the same room since one of us got married last year around this time. Of course every time we all get together we vow to start doing a regular once a month thing, which never ends up happening, but it is nice to imagine. Our Friendship is lasting and true. We went to Kindergarten together (pre-grade 1) and were in the same class until late high school when we still had some of our classes together (usually on purpose). First year after high school two of us chose different campuses of the same university and the other went to community college in a third city. I stayed home for first year of University as a new teen dad waging an unholy war against the troll with custody of my perfect child. None of us finished the program we entered after high school. Now, one of them works at a very young, popular nightclub downtown, the other is a pharmacy tech working at the hospital and is busy settling into married life. Fortunately thus far (probably because we’re white and were raised Christian) none of us became dangerously dependent on drugs or alcohol or got AIDS. And none of us got raped, so that feminist’s lecture on date-rape was incorrect.

5 THINGS FRIENDS PROVIDE:

  1. Food.
  2. Sounding board for brilliant ideas–i.e. Stairway Book-Skis
  3. Relief from everyone else you know.
  4. Shoulder to cry on.
  5. Alibis- no questions asked.
I would still be friends with my real friends even if they killed every one of my other facebook friends. On this topic.. When is there going to be a “FaceBook Killer” who stalks people’s friends online and kills them in real life? I’m sure there’s already a very poorly acted, direct-to-Netflix movie about exactly this being produced as I type.
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Sloth

I’ve been quite sick with a cold, and other than killing zombies on video games and watching stand up comedy online I’ve not really been doing much of anything. Kids are at their mothers’ houses, spouse is busy with meeting my every sickly demand… life is good. If only I were well enough to enjoy it.

Being sick is like being lazy-enabled. People tell you to rest more and to lay back and drink fluids. It’s like a vacation featuring nausea and mucus.

REQUIRED ITEMS FOR ANY ILLNESS:

  • Carmex
  • Kleenexes (with the lotion)
  • Vick’s inhaler
  • Zombie killing entertainment device or actual zombies and loaded shotgun (not for beginners)
  • Dependable Internet Connection
  • Endless supply of Facebook Memes to post every hour on the hour to coax likes and comments from friends and family to mimic real human interaction
  • Medicinal Marijuana or Orange Juice with NO PULP
  • Stand Up Comedy

NEWSFLASH: My mother who is in her mid-fifties (and is known to be the best mother anyone has ever had) called me last night to tell me that Obama had openly endorsed gay marriage in an interview (I don’t have cable so I usually have to poke around online before I find that shit out). She was right pleased. It’s so good to know that so many people in so many different situations are able to see that we’re all just people and not care about who someone wants to marry. Good on Obama, too, I guess, but his opinion really isn’t as important as my mom’s. 🙂

–It might seem that my newsflash isn’t really related, but Obama’s “evolution” on his thoughts on gay marriage is very fitting with laziness. He’s taken four years to get around to an opinion that I’m pretty certain a black man his age with his education already held. Obama’s policies need to back up his personal convictions should he see a second term, he should stop allowing states to decide human rights for minorities by majority vote. It’s insanity. Where would black slaves from Texas be if that’s how stuff worked? UGH!

Hypocrisy + Insanity – Logic = America.

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