Tag Archives: Health

Bored Police vs. Victim-less Crime

From “My Town” Regional Police Force’s FB page:
DRUG SEIZURE
As a result of a drug investigation, on April 3rd, 2013 members of the [“MTRPF”] arrested a 39 year-old male in “My Town” for having approximately 800g of marijuana and a small amount of hash oil for the purposes of trafficking. Also seized was approximately $4700 in cash. This individual will appear in court on May 23rd, 2013.

rrpf

 

I have so many problems with this, but what comes to mind is how senseless it is for marijuana to be illegal in the first place.  Police should be trying to stop and deter violence against children and women, pedophilia, trafficking hard drugs, littering, unpaid fines…  Stopping ANYTHING that causes any harm to anyone would certainly be a better use of the police’s time and money.  I’d feel much better if I thought they were keeping crack, meth, or heroine off my streets.  I wonder how much taxpayers will spend on arresting, prosecuting, incarcerating, and “rehabilitating” the individual they caught.  Seems like a waste to me.  Canada should have already legalized it and be taxing the hell out of it by now.  How much longer will we keep throwing money away and letting a black market (filled with worse crime than getting high) run this billion-dollar show, and keep all their profits tax-free?

 

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Facebook Weed Rebuttal

I posted this innocuous public service announcement on my wall and was met with disbelief. Enjoy:

weedwar
Uninformed Comment:
This is bull!
My Reply:
HOW is this bull?? Saying it has medicinal qualities is debatable, I’ll admit, but this is about comparative harm. The only way marijuana could kill you is if you get into a car after using it (driving with any impairment is its own problem) or do something equally unsafe. The active ingredient (THC, that gets one high) is just not strong enough, on its own, to kill a person whether it is smoked or eaten. Deaths from alcohol poisoning happen everywhere on Earth, every day, and everyone knows what smoking cigarettes does to the body and how often people die from that. The current government sanctioned drugs (Alcohol and Nicotine) are FAR more harmful to society and to the individuals using them than Marijuana is. Nicotine and Alcohol are also scientifically proven to be harder habits to quit, physically and psychologically. IMO the prohibition of marijuana is a long outdated, and racist, law. Everyone (except the for-profit prison system) would benefit from government legalization, regulation, and taxation, which would severely reduce the black-market profits supporting crime, abuse and terrorism. I really don’t think it’s bull. I think it’s my generation’s responsibility to end this prohibition, to rake back money from criminals, and to free people to do as they choose without fear of being jailed for a victim-less crime. I’m just looking for some common sense in our laws, either tobacco and alcohol should be every bit as illegal as marijuana, or they should legalize marijuana. This was a belated and wordy reply to a three word comment, sorry, I’m very passionate about this topic, clearly.

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The Fat …or Holoween

I have absolutely no faith, but I do maintain a who-gives-a-fuck attitude and it seems to work in much the same way.  -Roy Minor

Tonight is Halloween. A night that we men have somehow transformed into sexual-fantasy-role-play-night. No one can say exactly how or when it started but I don’t think it was politically motivated feminists asserting their liberation and independence. Somewhere between doing the Monster Mash and shuffling around to Thriller, Halloween became a night when otherwise upstanding, well-dressed and demure young women parade around like naughty policewomen, naughty nurses and (my favorite) naughty nuns. The word “naughty” here can and should be replaced with “slutty”. Don’t get me wrong! It’s great — I love it. I truly wish every day was like Halloween. Everyone dresses like a slut or a mentally retarded person or a zombie (all VERY entertaining characters). I myself don’t dress up usually however today I did wear my leather jacket boots and belt and bought 1$ worth of fake piercings. Let’s call a spade a spade and all admit that Halloween costume parties and social gatherings are totally geared against fat people. They might make slutty school-girl costumes that are XXL but you never see this being worn. What you do see, however is the sad fat ghost, the lonely fat witch, and, the classic, fat pumpkin. Anything that covers head-to-toe, really. And all this on a night that is supposed to be dedicated to candy and sweets!

Fact: Some people are just genetically inclined to look better in black and solid colors and are determined in the womb to be a “large” person. These people are not up for discussion. You know them when you see them and they don’t register as “fat”. Big, large, stocky, solid– whatever. The other people are who I am talking about. The fat. These people need to be identified, discussed and dealt with. You know them; They live in our towns, eat in our restaurants, shop at our grocery stores and then they eat at our restaurants again. They’re growing in numbers, weight and apathy. They, the fat, have some or all of the qualities listed below and they can be cured of their unattractive and jiggly disorder!

Who’s “Fat”?:            (totally makes me think of that Weird Al Michael Jackson Parody)

  • Has never exerted physical energy for anything that didn’t taste good.
  • Eats more food than is provided by any North American fast food establishment  in a single combo- Every time.
  • Gets winded walking up stairs– or while carrying too many cakes.
  • Walks only because a Hover-round has not yet been purchased. Has visited website more than once.
  • Asks “Are you going to finish that?” more than twice each day.
  • Finds food in bed- and bathroom- and car- and self -at all times.
  • Credit Card Statement easily mistaken for Restaurant Yellow Pages.

**These people need to be found, rounded up, deprived of fast food and forced to exercise until feeling good about themselves is appropriate.**

Let’s have a fat-holocaust. No killing- we’ll just get rid of the fat. It’s way easier to spot a Fat than a Jew so we can get it done way faster than Hitler did- and we won’t get bogged down with all the upkeep and maintenance that genocide requires. We’ll be a society of regular, human-sized people again, wouldn’t that be great? North America (with white European countries closely behind) is getting so fat so fast that we may sink the continents before Global Warming can flood the Earth. This is a global problem, people. We have to get these Tubby  citizens on a fucking bow-flex before we’re all swimming around like fools!

I know, you say: “But, Roy Minor, you’re not fat, yourself. How can you possibly judge these gentle giants without knowing their sorrows?” Well, even though I may only weigh 130 pounds, soaking wet and holding a chicken, and even though I have dashing good looks and a very high metabolism that lets me eat anything and everything I want- I am still humble and I want you all to know that I do take the feelings of these unfortunately-sized souls into serious consideration. I realize that it is not so easy for some fat-fucks out there. And so I’ve devised a great plan for going from “fuck that” to “fuckable”. It’s easy, it’s memorable, and it works:

  1. Exercise ‘Till You’re Sore
  2. Don’t Eat ANYTHING That Tastes Good
  3. STOP Wearing Capes, Ponchos, and Giant Scarves- You just look like a big, fat chick wearing a blanket with a hole in it- stop that.

I’m aware that some of you… how shall I say… gargantuan… readers will be offended by what I’ve written. That’s all. I just wanted you to know that I already know, so you don’t have to post a comment saying how offended you are. Although, it would be nice for me to know that SOMEONE is reading this shit- even if it is just some gigantic tub-of-lard blogger. So go ahead, Chunky, do the truffle-shuffle and give me hell! The Jews were silent, the Asians said nothing, the Christians remain unspoken for, hopefully some loud, fat, idiot will attempt to shame me online for being so rude to the gelatinous masses.

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Flowers & Weeds

Today, I read that recently it was alleged that the Minnesota Police Force was supplying the “occupy” protestors with a lot of very high quality marijuana. The Occupy movement is an ultimately failed but well meaning assemblance of hippies, unemployed and homeless people who are tired of being forced to wash and live in houses by the 1%. Police are men who have severe penis/aggression issues and woman who have penises and also we give them guns. WHO is surprised to learn that the police are both running the marijuana trade in Minnesota and are not smart enough to not deal to protesters in that area? I really wish I had the time and passion to write a new FARGO style movie depicting the whole network of Minnesotan Drug Masterminds.

Why you should ONLY buy drugs from POLICE:

  • Quality. Busting and jacking the highest quality bud is the number one priority of your local police force. Priority number two? D.A.R.E. campaign obligations.
  • Reliability. It`s as easy as calling 9-1-1! Operators are waiting for your call.
  • Hypocracy. Let`s face it, there`s nothing that feels quite as good as buying your drugs from the people who are paid every day to keep them out of your town.
  • Pay it Forward. When you buy your illegal drugs from police officers you know that a large portion of the profit is going directly to more pot, alcohol and harder and more awesome drugs for your local police to take and cruise around in cool cars with lots of distracting lights, sounds, weapons and gadgets.

I received some “get well“ flowers since I was feeling ill and my spouse is totally in love with me. They`re yellow and really brighten up my kitchen. Its amazing how much something as simple as some potted mums can really improve your mood and your feeling about a room. Another flower, weed, is also a great way to brighten a room, or a tent city set up in protest of a corporatocracy and government corruption and greed.

 

Inspired by: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/05/11/minnesota-police-occupy-drugs_n_1510557.html?ref=canada&ir=Canada at the Huffington Post.

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