Tag Archives: North Korea

The Meaning of Life – PART VI – MID-LIFE CRISES

Before the unrivaled joys of being an unemployable,┬ásenile and incontinent┬ásenior citizen, one must pass through the wholly depressing stage of life known as ‘mid-life’. No longer attractive to attractive members of its own species, this is typically when the mid-life human squanders its earnings on lavish trinkets to entice attractive, younger mates.

North Korea is incredibly interesting to me, and much like the sixth part of life- and this series of posts- is wholly depressing. Watching the Mass Games, even on youtube, is an incredibly complex, deep, meaningful human expression through dance and music and perfectly executed timing and choreography and sooooo many people are involved at every single step of the way– its like the opening to the Olympics on hyper-drive. Mind boggling, really. That being said, its also really depressing knowing the state of their nation and everything that those poor, stupid, brain-washed people have to endure. It’s almost like a cult nation at this point, where dissent from within (from any outside perspective anyway) is undetectable. I highly recommend reading George Orwell’s 1984, and then learning as much as you can about North Korea.

North Korea is like the home-schooled kid on the global stage of nations. You can try to have an intelligent conversation with them, but then they want to bring up their crazy beliefs that only they believe and so it becomes impossible to take them seriously and not just feel sort of bad for them. Because it not their fault! North Koreans love their leader because they’re programmed to from the earliest age, and those who still don’t love their leader are soon weeded out and taken to work camps. Being a Canadian and knowing that North Korea has a rather beautiful climate, I wonder if I could get into one of the nicer more progressive work camps and just make a little life for myself. Dreams.

Best Things About Dictatoring:

  • Ability to enforce your will on others, such as unified acceptance of “dictatoring” as a verb.
  • Yes-men – lots of them. I hear lots of people on movies and TV shows who say they don’t want ‘yes-men’. I do, give them to me. How nice would it be to have three or four guys around everytime you decide something to be like: “Nice one, boss.”
  • Concubines
  • Access to all substances and pleasures forbidden in your nation.
  • Diplomatic Immunity.
  • Hardest working slaves.

* I haven’t seen (or heard much yet about) the new S B Cohen movie The Dictator so although it seems I’m trying to be somehow current or something, I’m not intentionally– I think it’s more focused on the kind of guy who runs one of those “Mohammed’s Mind-Slaves” places, anyway.

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Strategies for Success

When your goals meet up with your dreams and double date with motivation and determination it usually ends in an orgy. -Roy Minor

I don’t understand beer. It tastes quite awful and doesn’t get you very drunk. The only time I drink a beer is if I think there’s a chance someone’s slipped a Roofie in it. I don’t go to bars anymore, I find it helps to have a few drunk girls over, once a week or so, to get the experience. They ignore me, cry and fight with each other and then throw up. To close the night I usually try to pick fights with other guys who may have larger genitals. Guys tend to be pretty unpredictable when they’re drunk, they might be total idiots who jump off your balcony or the guy who becomes a slurring lush. They might be violent, crazy assholes– it’s always hard to tell. With women, you can usually tell about two drinks in what kinda girl she is, and there are only three kinds of drunk girl. Slutty, scary and sad. Remember to always keep your eye out at the club, gentleman, as these different girls tend to group together and if the one you have your eye on isn’t acting sad or slutty, prepare for some emotional scarring and brutal physical harm.

News from today:

  • Kim Il Sung kidnaps Lady Gaga after Seoul concert- Entertainment
  • Mel Gibson still thought of as a waste of human life by most people- Poll
  • French fries not necessarily very french – Investigation
  • Councilman moves for higher taxes, no leads on body location yet- Local Politics/ Police Beat
  • Pussy Cleavage Too “Fashion Forward”?- Style
  • North Korean Dictator captures beloved American transvestite- World Politics
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