Tag Archives: Republican

Abortion Distortion

Yesterday I took it upon myself to comment on a facebook page dedicated to the end of abortion that had tricked me into visiting by promoting a cause called “downs syndrome day” with yesterday’s date. I’m not active but I am an intelligent well-rounded person, and I think people should support awareness of Downs Syndrome, at the very least. It is something that people have and that causes many health and social problems for those people and their families. Then I was on some gross, not-specifically christian page that had a horrendous name: We can End Abortion. What a disturbing and irresponsible idea! I can’t imagine for the life of me why anyone would want this to be a reality. There are lots of reasons why women get abortions and what a lot of people forget is that it is a totally necessary procedure that has to be done sometimes. So, I couldn’t help myself:

Disgusting. Only the smallest and most myopic minds could bring people to join this group. Abortions are an entirely necessary medical procedure. I’m sure there are no reputable doctors, physicians or nurses that support this disturbing cause. Rape, incest, being unable or unwilling to have the child, and severe birth defects are all perfectly legitimate reasons for abortion… Wanting to end abortion means wanting more unwanted and unloved children in this world… It’s disgusting. I really wish more people were willing to think about issues like this before taking the easiest and most comforting position. PS- Gods aren’t real. Even if they were, their unintelligent laws don’t apply here in the real world.

Of course, this unearthed the most incredibly ignorant, illogical and irrational “arguments” that I have ever read. Throughout the conversation in the comments, I was accused of “loving to kill babies”, of holding opinions I have and would never express, and of saying things that I, and no one, I don’t think, had said ever. It was like arguing with a right-wing idiot about anything: No facts, misinformation, and a willful disregard for a human being’s right to determine what they do with their own body Here are some of the highlights from the We Can End Abortion facebook scholars:

These are 100% real and although a couple have been edited by cutting off the very beginning or very ending for readability, I promise I have not characterized or misrepresented anyone’s statements. These people really think this way.

  • “fighting for women’s rights makes us hate mongers, but whatever”… No comments used the word hate until this one. There’s a lot of these kinds of statements, I just thought this one was hilarious because these anti-choice morons think they’re helping women’s rights.
  • “They are not an entirely necessary medical procedure. In fact, in about 95% of abortion cases, it is used as a form of birth control. There are also many cases where women are forever barren or even face death after a botched abortion. Just google “doctors against abortion” or “physicians” or “nurses” or whatever. I’m not going to waste my time posting links. If you actually feel this way about this cause, you are not here to get educated, but to remain ignorant, so you wouldn’t click on the links, anyway.” This was after I stated the obvious fact that NO reputable medical professional would ever advocate for the elimination of an entirely necessary medical procedure. I can also google “reputable creation-scientists”, it doesn’t mean they’re reputable. It just means they exist.
  •  “person doesn’t NEED to have sex. People CHOOSE to have sex. Sex is intended to reproduce. Don’t have sex. There are other way to “get off”. Having sex is not the only answer for “those feelings”… This world is so corrupt and twisted, it’s sickening really.” Also completely unedited. Comments like this really let you see into the empty minds of the anti-choice people.
  • “Termination of pregnancy that could potentially KILL the mother, is justified… Aborting a baby because your to lazy to carry it and give it up is not justified.” This isn’t an excerpt. This is the full unedited comment. Aren’t you sick and tired of all of these lazy women having their rape-babies aborted?! Me too.
  • “Sure keep telling yourself that abortion is great, while many women are dying, getting injured and regretting their abortions at this moment.” As if anyone anywhere thinks abortion is “great”. 
  • “Except that the Hippocratic Oath condemns abortion and most physicians too. Some people mediocrity in here speaks by itself.” This is the whole original post, the only one from this user.
  •  “[name omitted]- no because I mean we should kill all the unwanted and unloved people of this world instead.” This one is a little harder to get, but she’s paraphrasing me, or least what her Jesus-rattled mind interpreted it as anyway. 

I can’t bring myself to click “unfollow”, because they just keep adding dumber and crazier things to it. If anything particularly funny comes up in the next few hours, I will add it here. Now I’m going to retire to the RoyMinor cave to find my next epic battle between good and dumbassery.

Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, – RoyMinor!

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Republicans LOVE Rape Babies

So maybe I’m a little too liberal but I believe that abortions (certainly first and second trimester abortions) should be easier to get than McDonald’s if you want one. This is the year 2012. If I were to discover that there was another human growing inside me this would be completely unacceptable and I would definitely want medical assistance in its removal. Women who want an abortion NEED their abortion. If they’re unsure if they should have kids, they shouldn’t fucking be having any kids. Let people who want kids have kids and let everyone else terminate their pregnancy before anything human-looking develops. I’m incredibly disgusted with the Indiana senator, Richard Mourdock, who recently said that he does not believe abortions should be available to women who have been raped. This immoral belief like nearly all immoral beliefs stems directly from the senator’s religion. Mourdock believes that God has a plan for these rape babies and that women who’ve been raped should be legally required to carry the baby until birth. He later clarified by saying that God does not like rape (luckily Indiana has a senator with a direct line to the creator of the universe) and that rape is evil. Well which is it senator is God having these women raped to produce babies for which God ha a larger master plan? Or is it possible that every little bit of this is complete bullshit made up by men with small intellects and no care for women, their rights or their bodies?

Pro-life people are the most useless sect of our populace, at least psychopaths and serial killers amuse me on the news now and then. These assholes just want to make women with half a brain or more feel bad about their completely reasonable decision to abort an unwanted pregnancy. Don’t let my contempt for Indiana’s senator confuse you– rape is just the BEST reason for getting an abortion– upcoming exam week, pre-planned vacations, love of binge-drinking and general disinterest in raising children are also perfectly acceptable reasons.

Conservative MP, Maurice Vellacott, another champion of fact-less Christian idiots, has recently awarded two repeat offender jailbirds the Queen’s Diamond Jubilee Medal. The MP and the convicted criminals currently serving time have one very important thing in common, they are all anti-choice advocates and have been brainwashed into thinking some goo inside a woman’s uterus is a person. It is times like this that I truly wish that I could make people drop dead with my mind……. Nope, didn’t work. These ignorant people who so staunchly oppose abortion are nearly always the same hillbillies who opposed gay marriage years ago, who opposed interracial marriage before that and who have always had their pious noses in innocent people’s business. To the anti-choice/ pro-life/ self-righteous losers I say this: Let us fuck who we want, birth when we want and you can go whine about our sins at your church (the only place where people care what strangers do with their own lives). And don’t be giving these wastes of human minds medals of recognition. It will make them think they should continue to profess their ignorant and unwanted opinions and break the law to do it in what they see as the most effective way possible. This all pissed me off too much. No list this time. Okay a little one.

3 Things I LOVE About Abortions:

3. More room on the Highway! *Since 1973 it is estimated that there have been over 1,260,000,000 professionally induced abortions, meaning less traffic. Win! 🙂

2. Fewer Unwanted Children! *The only thing worse than an unwanted pregnancy is an unwanted child.

And the thing I love most about abortions is….

1. My mother didn’t have one. *You see, clearly God planned for me to write this blog post to oppose the anti-choice movement and to inform you that they are border-line retarded and should not be taken seriously.

**It was not easy to find a funny image to go with this post, but here’s what I got when I typed “Hilarious Abortion” into Google**

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ROYMINOR v.2.0

Obviously I have been away from my blog for far too long; travel, summer with the kids, Pride week events, burying bodies, orgies, beginning school and gay chicken have taken up too much of my time lately. Hopefully these experiences can somehow be channeled into the art of “blogedy” (It’s like blog and com… never mind.) Here we go.

6 Things We All Know About The Girl Who Snorts Coke At Any Party:

  1. No panties.
  2. Purse contains less than $50 in cash and more than $50 in lip-gloss.
  3. Needs a place to stay.
  4. Needs a ride to that place.
  5. Will kiss a girl, and like it– for coke.
  6. Will suck your dick– again, for coke.

Recently, at a house-party after the bar I was approached by two shifty but attractive guys who asked if I was prepared to party. Normally I would decline such an offer, choosing to say I had eaten too many cheez-its or that my footwear or hairdo was inappropriate for partying– but at the moment they asked I’d been enjoying intoxicating beverages for quite some time and my reply sounded more like “Fuck yeah! Let’s go!” than “I should be getting home.” So we walked- nearly across the whole city- to an after hours bar where the staff (of maybe 5 people) and an additional five or six people listened to incredibly loud music, smoked cigarettes and snorted whatever it was they were snorting. The venue seemed like a strip club that had lazy, fully-dressed, coke-snorters in lieu of strippers. The only men that were there were “straight” but kept giving each other looks and then disappearing to the alley behind the bar or the men’s room in pairs. Needless to say I stayed for many hours and remember very little of the experience. Some hours later I awoke at home in my bed, wondering if it had all just been an uninteresting dream, or a boring nightmare brought on by too many reruns of “Weeds” and Queer as Folk… but no.

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Keeping Up with the Romneys

Secret documents obtained by RoyMinor reveal Republican presidential candidate, Mitt Romney’s, tax returns prior to 2010. Although there are many varied aspects of his return which will interest both the Obama campaign and the average voter, the most glaringly obvious problem with his return was the “Fuck the Poor” stamp he’d used at the bottom, right corner of each page of the return. His expenses listed are another concern. He cited costs of “Pet Grooming” for the year in 2008 as being $113, 000.00 and costs for his wife’s yearly vaginal rejuvenation were well into the millions. Other costs for the Romney’s, or any average American family as Mitt himself said, included an average yearly cost of $615,000.00 for sweaters and khakis, $228,950.00 for the all-important annual fresh coat of paint on the family jet, and the reasonable $28,500.00 in costs listed as “Hair Care”. Possibly his most luxurious annual charges were for a rare tooth-whitening service which uses the unformed teeth from aborted fetuses and the tears of orphans. Romney has not lost his common touch he said yesterday in an interview that he had recently “seen a city bus” and had once, as a boy, “shopped at a mall”.

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Vagina, Interrupted

Counting Down The TOP 5 Best Euphemisms for Vagina:

5. Snatch – Mostly used when vaginal sighting is unexpected: “Whoa, I caught a look at her snatch!”

4. Pussy – All around most common and acceptable word for vagina, best suited while on the prowl: “Let’s go find some pussy!”

3. Quiff – Great for use at home, also works as an exclamation: [Stubs Toe] “Oh, Quiff!”

2. Beaver – Sounds friendly and furry, usually used in reference to old vaginas: “Dude, your mom’s got a nice beaver.”

1. Cunt – Most offensive and therefore best euphemism for the beloved orifice.

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Mississippi’s last abortion clinic may be closing due to harsh new regulations placed on these healthcare providers by Republican cave-men. It’s really hard to make this funny, but here it goes… After succeeding in eliminating abortion in their state, Mississippi (a state whose teen pregnancy rate is currently 65% higher than the rest of the country) is not done yet. In an effort to ensure that their population is as stupid and poor as possible [although several surveys already rank it as the poorest, dumbest state] Mississippi government will soon begin mandatory pregnancy tests for all women over the age of twelve. Knowing right away when your teenage daughter has been raped and impregnated is the first step to convincing her that Jesus demands that she keep, deliver and raise her rape-baby. Now I know what you’re all thinking: “Who doesn’t want a rape-baby?” Of course every little girl dreams of the night she goes out to a kegger and has a roofie slipped in her drink by an overweight classmate who then rapes her, filling her with the unbridled joy that is a rape-baby. We can’t all live in Mississippi though and that’s why today’s post was brought to you by…. Clarence’s Rape-Baby Clearance Center!!!!! Come on down and pick up your very own unwanted rape-baby today! Our trained customer service representatives are there every step of the way to help you choose, modify and buy the rape-baby of your dreams! Currently offering “2-for-1” on all brown and off-white rape-babies! Female, Asian rape-babies now reduced to clear! Also check out our HUGE selection of Mormon-babies!

*Please note that all or most Mormon babies are rape-babies.

 

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I am BATMAN…

Image

I visited my parents for father’s day and dug through a bunch of old pictures and uploaded them on facebook, no matter how unflattering the selections from “the awkward years”- they were shared. It created a mini-middle school reunion on my timeline and gave me warm fuzzies (which is hard to do to such a jaded, bitter cunt such as myself). I really love seeing pictures of myself before I knew anything about the world. I look so much more naturally happy. I love seeing pictures with outdated hair and clothing. I like seeing my friends faces with braces. The picture above is Xmas 1990, I think. My cousin Aaron also got the same ensemble and together we were fearsome little batmen.

I have too few pictures like this due to a fire that burnt down our house in the early 90s, which sounds horrible and traumatic, but because of my age and how close (and generally awesome) my family and community were at the time, the event had no negative impact on me… It did teach me about helping when someone needs it, as many people donated everything and anything we needed to get by. We were very fortunate that no one was hurt, and that my cat Chaos, my turtle Myrtle, and Paulie the budgie were the only casualties. Oh, and all my Mom and Dads shit. Like everything. It had zero effect on me at the time, but if that happened to me now I don’t know how I’d deal with it as the adult in the situation. I’m so proud and appreciative of my parents for keeping it together and making my early years so incredibly joyful, safe, and full of love. That’s how I remember it anyway, and I guess that’s the only thing that matters. It made the tween years (as they call them now, we didn’t have it yet) so much easier.

I’ve had such a great life so far, really, and everything is still looking up. It all seems too good to be true sometimes. This is where my hereditary paranoia starts to set in and I realize that life has been far too good for far too long and the shit will surely hit the fan soon. Will I discover that my partner is secretly a cross dressing necrophiliac? Will I find out my mother is a republican? I’ll let you know when my bubble bursts, but until then I will try to keep up the classy genital jokes and racially charged statements.

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Is Barack Obama A Ghost?

Donald Trump and SNL’s Victoria Jackson say they have reason to believe so. Other experts from Liberty University have concluded the American president may very well be the disembodied spirit of a Kenyan, socialist witch. “With so much riding on this election,” said Trump “Can we really trust a dead, unpatriotic man to handle this economy? Forget about it. He’s fired.”

Polls are showing 46% of Americans think that Barack Obama is probably a ghost while only 16% say they are absolutely sure he’s a ghost. Victoria Jackson commented on Fox News: “We have a lot of very smart, smart people lookin’ their hardest to find B. Hussein Obama’s death certificate. He wasn’t just born in Africa, he died there, too, and we’re gonna prove it.” Victoria Jackson was once a member of the cast of Saturday Night Live before Jesus visited her in a subway terminal and commanded her to rebel against evil, talented liberals and the deniers of Christ and creation science. Jackson has described her relationship with Jesus Christ on facebook as “complicated”. “We are a nation that has been duped into electing a ghost!” She exclaimed just before the “Fair and Balanced” program went to commercial break.

A second independent poll showed that even more citizens than before, a whopping 21% of Americans, are absolutely sure Obama is in someway undead (with 13% of that number citing “spook”). This same poll however showed that 94% of all those polled were also absolutely sure that republican candidate, Mitt Romney, should to be kicked in the nuts repeatedly and spat upon.

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Gay Republicans, Smart Catholics and Jews for Jesus

5 Hottest Ugly Chicks:

  1. Lady Gaga – gets props for crazy masks and sunglasses covering the mess while providing quality T & A
  2. Uma Thurman – ten years ago. Not now.
  3. Paris Hilton – No matter how rich she gets, she’s still stuck with that face.
*You won’t know the last two, but trust me, their bodies are off the hook and their faces are off rotten.com.

…There are a lot of different people in this crazy little world of ours and since killing them would lead to my arrest – I’ll blog. Believing an all-powerful God will punish you for not confessing your sins to an old man in a booth… is just not smart. An old man who was probably busily molesting a young parishioner earlier that day, no less. I see republican women and republican black people the way most people only look at gay republicans. Meaning they’re all voting against their own interests.

Black, lesbian republicans are stupid – that’s right I said it.

PSA: Stop sending money to feed the hungry in Africa. Stop providing coats to the homeless in Winter. Stop helping underprivileged kids play sports . We need to focus on what will make real lasting change: Internet Memes. Clearly our population had been dumbed-down to the point where reading full sentences or watching short videos has become too time-consuming and ZAP the quick meme was born.

QUESTION: What’s worse than a gay republican? … And don’t say a gay cannibal, I’ve already gone there.

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