Tag Archives: usa

Bored Police vs. Victim-less Crime

From “My Town” Regional Police Force’s FB page:
DRUG SEIZURE
As a result of a drug investigation, on April 3rd, 2013 members of the [“MTRPF”] arrested a 39 year-old male in “My Town” for having approximately 800g of marijuana and a small amount of hash oil for the purposes of trafficking. Also seized was approximately $4700 in cash. This individual will appear in court on May 23rd, 2013.

rrpf

 

I have so many problems with this, but what comes to mind is how senseless it is for marijuana to be illegal in the first place.  Police should be trying to stop and deter violence against children and women, pedophilia, trafficking hard drugs, littering, unpaid fines…  Stopping ANYTHING that causes any harm to anyone would certainly be a better use of the police’s time and money.  I’d feel much better if I thought they were keeping crack, meth, or heroine off my streets.  I wonder how much taxpayers will spend on arresting, prosecuting, incarcerating, and “rehabilitating” the individual they caught.  Seems like a waste to me.  Canada should have already legalized it and be taxing the hell out of it by now.  How much longer will we keep throwing money away and letting a black market (filled with worse crime than getting high) run this billion-dollar show, and keep all their profits tax-free?

 

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Romney Declares Economic War with China On Day One After Win!

80-minutes into a 90-minute debate Mitt Romney decided to finally (and awkwardly) show off his conservative, 50’s-nostalgia-style sensibilities, briefly, while answering a question about gun laws in reference to the Batman shootings he made clear his stance on two-parent households over single‑parent homes and reminded us all that children are far less likely to be impoverished with two parents—duh. The topic of the question was quickly abandoned by both parties twice and the issue wasn’t pushed hard by the moderator, who was weak and was talked over throughout the debate. It was disrespectful how neither candidate seemed interested in toning down their rhetoric or shortening their prepared talking-points  to actually answer the questions American citizens were asking them—I would’ve asked what Romney’s thinking trying to take that Ryan clown to the white house.

Shortly after his quick bounce-back from his single-parents-tirade-debacle, Mitt decided he should call out Asian super-power and owner of the United States of America, China, for its currency manipulation and ability to manufacture and sell trinkets and iPhones better than anyone else. This is not the best thing to do; the Chinese have significant weight in American trade markets and it may not sit well with voters that he is so willing to create international tensions with another super-power. Although, many Americans certainly don’t believe there are any super-powers apart from themselves, Chuck Norris, and of course, her holiness, Oprah Winfrey.

 

5 Questions I Would LOVE to Ask the Candidates:

  1. Mitt: Why does someone so incredibly entitled want so badly to end entitlement programs for those who are not so entitled? Was it awful, growing up in that castle with servants?
  2. Barry: When are you going to start living up to racist American expectations by speaking in Ebonics, implementing  single-payer socialized medicare and removing “under God” from the pledge of allegiance?
  3. Mitt: Exactly how much money is in your bank account, wallet, safe, and swimming pool full of coins?
  4. Barry: Hillary Clinton, Ruth Bader Ginsburg and Jan Brewer- Which would you Fuck, Marry, and Kill? (And you know the rules, you have to pick one person for each action.)
  5. Mitt: Do you actually have to fuck Ann Romeny? Gross. Follow up: Do you ever fantasize about Mrs. Obama? In a land-owning Mormon and naughty servant-girl kind of context? I knew it.
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Is Barack Obama A Ghost?

Donald Trump and SNL’s Victoria Jackson say they have reason to believe so. Other experts from Liberty University have concluded the American president may very well be the disembodied spirit of a Kenyan, socialist witch. “With so much riding on this election,” said Trump “Can we really trust a dead, unpatriotic man to handle this economy? Forget about it. He’s fired.”

Polls are showing 46% of Americans think that Barack Obama is probably a ghost while only 16% say they are absolutely sure he’s a ghost. Victoria Jackson commented on Fox News: “We have a lot of very smart, smart people lookin’ their hardest to find B. Hussein Obama’s death certificate. He wasn’t just born in Africa, he died there, too, and we’re gonna prove it.” Victoria Jackson was once a member of the cast of Saturday Night Live before Jesus visited her in a subway terminal and commanded her to rebel against evil, talented liberals and the deniers of Christ and creation science. Jackson has described her relationship with Jesus Christ on facebook as “complicated”. “We are a nation that has been duped into electing a ghost!” She exclaimed just before the “Fair and Balanced” program went to commercial break.

A second independent poll showed that even more citizens than before, a whopping 21% of Americans, are absolutely sure Obama is in someway undead (with 13% of that number citing “spook”). This same poll however showed that 94% of all those polled were also absolutely sure that republican candidate, Mitt Romney, should to be kicked in the nuts repeatedly and spat upon.

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